OPINION — The past couple of weeks have been kind of surreal, watching the changes our country is going through. It’s like waking up from one of those naps where you slept so hard you’re worried you missed the school bus, but then you realize it’s Sunday, and you’re 54 years old. It’s like when you’re driving on ice and your car starts to slide toward a cliff, and then at the last second it swerves back onto the road and you don’t die. It’s like losing your wallet, and then finding it again, and it has more money in it than you thought. Trump 2.0 is definitely hitting differently than the Biden administration did.
Don’t get me wrong, former President Joe Biden was fantastic for material. Everything he did was a parody of truth, a farcical charade in which he and his people kept a straight face while saying things that were obviously false, and expecting us to suspend reality and play along. Men can get pregnant. Gender is not the same as sex. There are many genders, and you can pick the one you want. Wind and solar power are better for the environment than oil and gas. Electric vehicles don’t run on fossil fuels. You won’t get Covid if you get the vaccine. Someone ate a rancid bat. Climate change causes fires and tornadoes and blizzards and floods and acid reflux and hives. The US is a racist nation. Joe didn’t know anything about Hunter’s dealings with China. The Russians did it. Joe’s not senile. Joe can ride a bike. Joe can climb stairs. The list goes on and on.
Biden was the most dependable president we’ve had in my lifetime. I could count on him, every single time, to do the wrong thing, and give me something to write about when I needed it. But after a while it got kind of old. Joe’s horribly disastrous presidency was low-hanging fruit. It was too easy, like swatting a fly with a Buick.
Don’t get me wrong, former President Joe Biden was fantastic for material. Everything he did was a parody of truth, a farcical charade in which he and his people kept a straight face while saying things that were obviously false, and expecting us to suspend reality and play along.
The only thing I wasn’t prepared for was Joe’s Grand Finale, the piece de resistance with which he gently placed the Maraschino cherry on top of a cow patty cake iced with yellow whipped cream. The pardons.
Every president pardons people on his way out the door, people who have helped him in nefarious, slightly less than legal ways. It’s expected, so that part wasn’t a surprise. But Joe’s pardons were a little different. Outgoing presidential pardons are always a de facto admission of guilt, the president’s guilt and that of those who are pardoned. Joe’s pardons were an admission of the guilt of his entire administration, the Democrat party en masse, and especially his own family members.
First he pardoned his son Hunter Biden, that progenial embarrassment everyone knows is a criminal, drug addict, womanizer, and influence peddler, who abandoned the child he had out of wedlock with an Arkansas stripper.
First he pardoned his son Hunter Biden, that progenial embarrassment everyone knows is a criminal, drug addict, womanizer, and influence peddler, who abandoned the child he had out of wedlock with an Arkansas stripper. No surprise there, even though Joe said many times he wouldn’t pardon Hunter. Well.
And then, as the White House door was swinging shut, Joe pardoned a bunch of other family members: James Biden, Sara Jones Biden, Valerie Biden Owens, John Owens, and Francis Biden. All the family pardons, including Hunter’s say, ‘For any nonviolent offenses against the United States which they may have committed or taken part in during the period from January 1, 2014, through the date of this pardon. In Hunter’s case that was December 1, 2024. For the rest it was January 19, 2025.
So what those documents say, in English, is, ‘I know for sure these people are guilty of violating multiple US laws, and I know for sure they’ve been doing it for over a decade, and in case they get caught, here’s their Get Out of Jail Free card.’ The fox that’s been raiding the chicken coop for four years plugged the farmer’s shotgun on the way out.
Biden also pardoned the members of Congress who served on the January 6 Committee, thereby admitting that a) Their methods, investigations, conclusions, and convictions were so unlawful that even as members of Congress they could be prosecuted for them, and b) Biden knew all that all along. Innocent people don’t need to be pardoned, especially for offenses they haven’t even been charged with yet.
The most nefarious pardon was Anthony Fauci’s, bestowed with immunity for all the many crimes he’s been committing for the past ten years, which Biden knew about or else why bother?
The most nefarious pardon was Anthony Fauci’s, bestowed with immunity for all the many crimes he’s been committing for the past ten years, which Biden knew about or else why bother? Which verifies that Mr. ‘Trust the science,’ and ‘I am the science’ is really just a criminal. To paraphrase Winston, never in the field of human suffering have so few profited so greatly at the expense of so many.
Whether these pardons will hold up in court is in question, due partly to the heinous nature of some of the crimes, and partly due to Biden’s questionable, at best, state of mind. I hope the guilty are required to pay for their misdeeds. Justice may be blind, but she can’t be quite that dumb.
No doubt Trump will do many things during his second term I don’t agree with. They all do. But so far he’s been nailing it, and for the sake of our nation I hope he keeps it up.
The Rancid Bats would make a great name for a rock band . . .
Kendal Hemphill is an outdoor humor columnist and minister who carries the Get Out of Jail Free card from his Monopoly game in his wallet, which he lost several years ago. Write to him at [email protected]
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